At Saturday night’s milonga, I danced with a follower who is a regular in my tango group class.  We broke all the rules about Argentine Tango being serious business and just silently expressing yourself and the music through the dance.  No, we had a three minute conversation  about peanut butter banana sandwiches while we danced.

For snacks at the molonga, in addition to the regular wine, cheese, crackers, fruit and such, someone brought ice cream sandwiches, ice cream cups, and frozen chocolate covered bananas.  The chocolate bananas were especially good and my dance partner had just finished hers before the tanda started.

Before we even embraced, I inquired if she had a peanut butter banana sandwich.  She had not and was very interested in how to make one, so I gave her all the details.  Being originally from Europe, this was all foreign to her as they mostly just have butter with bread.  We finished the dancing the song and ended the conversation talking about how these sandwiches were Elvis Presley’s favorite and then figured out that’s why he died so young.

For those of you that do not dance Argentine Tango, the parada or sandwich is when the follower leans back with her foot out and the leader sandwiches the foot between his two feet.  It is a stop or pause for the follower, and then the leader crosses over her foot and pauses while the follower takes a step.

Also at the milonga, I had good conversations with two other leaders in our group during breaks in dancing.  Normally, when I go to a milonga, I am usually quiet, have my game face on, and just enjoy the music and dancing.  My changed attitude I believe came from all my writing about Argentine Tango, so being at a milonga was very familiar and relaxing.     

Being that this web site is about relationships and Argentine tango, I want to inquire if you are taking paradas with people to build relationships as you go about your daily life.  I’m a single guy who is comfortable being by himself, so I can go about my daily routine without having a conversation and be perfectly happy.  I need to change my ways and engage people more.

It takes effort to stop and have a conversation with someone and build a relationship.  The thing about an Argentine Tango parada is it can be quick or slow, but it is still a stop.  For example, by taking short bits of time using snippets of text on Twitter, one is able to communicate with people around the world and slowly build relationships (my Twitter name: tangoleader).  Twitter is a fun and unique way to communicate over distances, but are we building relationships with the people we see regularly in our immediate vicinity?    

Micro-blogging and blogging has me thinking more about my relationships with people I meet regularly in my daily activities.  We all lead busy lives, but are we taking a moment when opportunities arise to build our relationships with others where we live, work, and relax?  We need to do more paradas in our daily lives.                                   

Sometimes two individuals with wide age differences are attracted to each other in a relationship.  It depends on the individuals whether they can bridge the age gap by having things in common.  There are many factors evolved that allow a relationship to succeed.  An age difference is often negligible compared to their compatibility in maturity and place in life. While it is easier to date someone closer to your own age, it really depends on the individual.

There are a lot of reasons why couples of different ages are attracted to each other.  A person may feel they are unable to relate to their peers because of having different interests in activities, books, music, art or films.  Maybe they are not ready to settle down, get married, and have a family; relationships for them are about having fun and shared adventures.  For example, a young woman might enjoy pairing up with an older man who has completed fathering kids or who has decided to never have them at all.

Conflicts can arise when couples of differing ages are in a relationship bond.  One partner can make impossible demands on the other and now their attitudes toward each other are affected.  Though someone may love you, there are things in life beyond a person’s control and now you feel betrayed because they can not live up to their commitment to you.  You should examine your attitude and beliefs and get back into harmony with your partner.   

The age difference is often magnified over time if the couple remains in a committed relationship or takes the oath of marriage.  Some things are beyond their control such as the differing rates at which each individual age, their changing life stages, and their health.  The younger partner may feels like their whole life is before them and the older one like it is coming to a end. One person can be ready for parenthood while their partner maybe ready for retirement.

Being in a different place in life can happen even to couples of the same age.  One of the partners may have unrealistic expectations about the relationship and how it should be based on their preferences.  That partner feels betrayed when circumstances and their partner do not turn out as expected or the other partner ages in a way that they do not like. The partner that has cast judgment on the other has betrayed themselves into thinking they have a right to demand change in the latter.  

Trying to control the relationship and make the other person into someone they are not just does not work.  It is an incredibly unrealistic way of approaching a relationship.  We often can not often control our own life, much less that of another person.  As we age, our true selves are revealed more and more which comes from who we really are and our life experiences.  Someone should not have to deny themselves, their own desires, and own life path just to make us happy.

We all age eventually, but someone can stay in excellent health longer if the take good care of themselves and have an adventurous, optimistic outlook on life.  When one partner’s health fails, it falls upon the other partner to care and look after them.  It is a role the healthy partner may reluctantly assume if they are significantly younger and more in the prime of their life.  The younger partner, in years to come, might have to give up some things to take care of their life partner.

Two individuals in a committed relationship with wide age differences can live a happy life together.  Like all relationships, they will have their moments, but it is possible to be very happy together if they remain each others best friend.  Sharing experiences from two different age perspectives can be a rewarding and fulfilling relationship bond.  When the health of the older partner deteriorates, the younger partner needs to be prepared to take care of them until they die.  This is usually the final reality of age spreads in relationships. 

You can dance Argentine Tango in closed or open embrace, the difference being the distance between you and your partner. My preference is open embrace for most partners as I am not always comfortable dancing chest to breast with a woman I don’t know very well.  Since I am almost 6’2”, I always dance open embrace with petite ladies because the physical size difference can make dancing uncomfortable for both of us.

Dancing closed embrace has advantages such being more precise in movements because you are physically closer together. Ladies are able follow easier because they can feel the leader’s movements and instantly react. Close embrace is more romantic, sensual, and emotional dancing that is often referred to as having a good connection. You can see the pleasure on the ladies faces as they dance and a good connection is highly desired by many ladies.

The advantages of open embrace are more energy and momentum created from expanding and contracting the distance between partners. Dancing open embrace usually has a livelier and more fun attitude, but it can be danced slow and sensual. It is easier for the dancers to see the foot and leg movements between the partners, but harder to execute some movements because of the distance between partners.

The embrace, whether open or closed, is a way to connect with another human being for a finite period of time. It’s like a hug, in a world where we are not hugged enough.  The embrace can transmit comfort, reassurance, affirmation or celebration. In close embrace, when you hold someone tightly and they embrace back in acceptance of you, it is a joyous feeling. No matter what is happening in your life, for those moments everything is O.K. because you have found acceptance from another human being.

Today, I had interviews with two agency recruiters that went very similar to all the other interviews that I have had lately. They thought I had a good resume, skills, and experience, but they did not have any job opportunities for me.

Being an older worker with good work experience, job hunting recently has been a humbling experience for me. When I quit my last permanent job to re-locate, I envisioned that it would be easy to get a similar job in the same field elsewhere. I was wrong.

Job hunting on the Internet allows you to see the many opportunities that are available, but it also allows employers to choose from a larger pool of candidates. Emailed resumes are easily screened by employers to find the most suitable potential candidates for a position. 

One definition of madness that I have heard is when someone does the same thing over and over again and then expects a different result. Posting my resume on job boards and contacting recruiters has not helped me to become employed long-term, though I have worked a few short-term contract assignments. Recruiters contact me all the time for approval to submit my resume to an employer, but there is hardly any response afterward.

Some of the first jobs where I was hired in my career, I would just go out to see employers directly and ask for work. The Internet is great in that it allows us to connect with others over long distances, but nothing can substitute for face to face contact.  For me, it is time to go out and contact employers directly again.

Today, July 7, 2009 marks the 4th anniversary of terrorist bombings in London where 52 commuters died and 700 were injured during the morning rush hour.  In remembrance, hundreds of tango enthusiasts will gather to dance Argentine Tango at seven train stations and seven London bridges from 6 – 7 p.m. for commuters.  Equipped with headphones, partners will silently dance the tango.  TangoCommute is not a celebration, but a gift to the people of London to bring some joy while remembering the 2005 suicide bomb attacks.

At 8:50 a.m. on this day four years ago, three separate bombs on three separate London underground trains exploded with fifty seconds of each other.  One hour later, there was another explosion on a double-decker bus.  The bombings brought disruption, confusion, terror, and grief to the city.  Though tango, TangoCommute seeks to ease some of the emotional pain for the commuters during the remembrance.   

TangoCommutes’ motto is dancing with compassion and connection.