Sometimes two individuals with wide age differences are attracted to each other in a relationship.  It depends on the individuals whether they can bridge the age gap by having things in common.  There are many factors evolved that allow a relationship to succeed.  An age difference is often negligible compared to their compatibility in maturity and place in life. While it is easier to date someone closer to your own age, it really depends on the individual.

There are a lot of reasons why couples of different ages are attracted to each other.  A person may feel they are unable to relate to their peers because of having different interests in activities, books, music, art or films.  Maybe they are not ready to settle down, get married, and have a family; relationships for them are about having fun and shared adventures.  For example, a young woman might enjoy pairing up with an older man who has completed fathering kids or who has decided to never have them at all.

Conflicts can arise when couples of differing ages are in a relationship bond.  One partner can make impossible demands on the other and now their attitudes toward each other are affected.  Though someone may love you, there are things in life beyond a person’s control and now you feel betrayed because they can not live up to their commitment to you.  You should examine your attitude and beliefs and get back into harmony with your partner.   

The age difference is often magnified over time if the couple remains in a committed relationship or takes the oath of marriage.  Some things are beyond their control such as the differing rates at which each individual age, their changing life stages, and their health.  The younger partner may feels like their whole life is before them and the older one like it is coming to a end. One person can be ready for parenthood while their partner maybe ready for retirement.

Being in a different place in life can happen even to couples of the same age.  One of the partners may have unrealistic expectations about the relationship and how it should be based on their preferences.  That partner feels betrayed when circumstances and their partner do not turn out as expected or the other partner ages in a way that they do not like. The partner that has cast judgment on the other has betrayed themselves into thinking they have a right to demand change in the latter.  

Trying to control the relationship and make the other person into someone they are not just does not work.  It is an incredibly unrealistic way of approaching a relationship.  We often can not often control our own life, much less that of another person.  As we age, our true selves are revealed more and more which comes from who we really are and our life experiences.  Someone should not have to deny themselves, their own desires, and own life path just to make us happy.

We all age eventually, but someone can stay in excellent health longer if the take good care of themselves and have an adventurous, optimistic outlook on life.  When one partner’s health fails, it falls upon the other partner to care and look after them.  It is a role the healthy partner may reluctantly assume if they are significantly younger and more in the prime of their life.  The younger partner, in years to come, might have to give up some things to take care of their life partner.

Two individuals in a committed relationship with wide age differences can live a happy life together.  Like all relationships, they will have their moments, but it is possible to be very happy together if they remain each others best friend.  Sharing experiences from two different age perspectives can be a rewarding and fulfilling relationship bond.  When the health of the older partner deteriorates, the younger partner needs to be prepared to take care of them until they die.  This is usually the final reality of age spreads in relationships. 

How will your friends and family remember you when you are gone… after you die?  Will they remember the things you did well or will they reminisce about your quirks and shortcomings?  Are they being disrespectful to only think about your flaws?  Maybe they remember your weaknesses because they enjoyed being in your company in spite of your flaws.

Friends and family can admire our different skills, abilities, and strengths, but oftentimes its is hard to relate to us on those things.  The knowledge and experience we have in an area might be much greater than theirs and they can not fully comprehend your world.  Our friends and family may never see us when we are our working environment and just know us when we are at home, relaxing, or otherwise away from work. 

People can relate more easily to us through our flaws because we all have the same human struggles of daily living.  Some of us do better than others in managing ourselves and our environment. Our imperfections will be most remembered in the emotions of those we leave behind when we are gone forever.

We may have character traits which others may think of as weaknesses such as being shy or disorganized, stuttering or having certain phobias.  These make us unique in the eyes of others and they can more fully appreciate our strengths when they know our weaknesses. The beauty of our imperfections can only be appreciated by the people who really love us dearly.

I can not help but reminisce about my close friend, Glenn, who died at the age of 45 with a rare cancer.  He grew up with his very domineering father and two sisters after his parents divorced at an early age.  Glenn stuttered some especially when nervous.  Because he never had a mother at home, he spent his life looking for love in all the wrong places.  He was intelligent and physically very strong, but  had a generous spirit so that people would often take advantage of him.  Glenn had his faults, but I miss him as a friend very much.

Below is a Good Will Hunting style video of a widow memorializing her husband at his funeral. She begins by talking about her husband’s crude habits which shocks the funeral guests and then ends talking about beautiful imperfections.

Craigslist is a really great service, but it is often abused and misused. Happily, I have sold small household items at a reasonable price on craigslist that would not be worth the cost of purchasing a classified newspaper ad, but one area of craigslist that is being abused is the jobs section. Companies and individuals are seeking to hire skilled workers for low wages, often in the minimum wage range or less. They are actively seeking people that they can exploit freely. Then they act like they are doing a public service by giving a person an opportunity!

Due to the economic downturn that our nation and world are experiencing, the exploitation of employees has accelerated. Well that’s the excuse employers and managers currently use, but some of them are of such low morals, they would exploit employees in a good economy. All I can say is that practically everyone on craigslist wants to hire a student, intern, or someone willing to work for cheap. They even go so far as to specify a starving student or artist. Sometimes they want you to work for nothing – period – or for some really insulting amount – below minimum wage or for beer! 

After responding to a job opportunity on craigslist and being hired, I was being exploited from day 1 without realizing it.  During the hiring interview, I was told my starting pay would be a “training pay rate” and after 90 days my pay would be increased to a new higher rate. Well, after 90 days, the manager refused to increase my pay and for many of my co-workers. She denied that the interviewer promised a pay increase and during the hiring process the employer had me sign documents basically saying they could do whatever they pleased in regard to employee terminations and pay increases. So I quit.

Now that having an Internet presence is becoming more and more important each day, many web designers are asked, “show us how you made it so we can do it on our own “in-house” from now on.” Yet few of those people want to contract web designers to show them how to do design. Or “I don’t want you to work for free”, but the client doesn’t want to pay for it either. Many potential clients approach asking for a “free test” or “say that guy charged us this much, so you should charge us less too.” Each web designer is a professional with their own rates and they are usually willing to negotiate within reason, but they often meet potential clients who want things for as cheap as possible… if not for free!

Negotiating the price before making a large purchase or contacting someone’s service is wise. Trying to re-negotiate after the work is completed is not an acceptable negotiating tactic, its haggling.  If negotiating is done before work commences, great. When a client places an order and it is accepted, the client is obligated to pay the fair market value set by the businessman at the time of the order. No respectable hardworking businessman should be asked to give a discount after completing the work.

Giving discounts after completing the work is enabling bad behavior and encouraging lack of planning. It boils down to being consistent. Have a set policy on pricing, terms, agreements, and never deliver the finished product without payment while ensuring you get some up front payment to guarantee the client is serious about finishing. Do not work without a legally binding contract, do not waiver from that contract, be fair and reasonable. If a client refuses to sign a contract, you do not want to do business with them anyway.

Don’t be a  craigslist cheapskate when paying.  Negotiation beforehand is acceptable, but “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part” for the businessman or contractor.  Clients should remember the rule of two-out-of-three: when you negotiate you can only get two out of three things in regard to quality, price, and time. You can never get something done as quickly as you want, with the best quality, and at a low cost. Many businessmen and contractors should consider adding an ACS line on their bill. A 10-12% surcharge of the total and the only thing negotiable: The Annoying Client Surcharge.

Some single male friends of mine have probably never married because of some underlying false belief.  Only they know the false belief to which they hold on and most likely will never share, but only occasionally hint at or demonstrate in their lives if someone looked very closely.

A false belief could be something like “women are only after money’ or “a woman would never be interested in me” or “I’m selfish right now. I’m just trying to figuring out what to do with my life right now. If I involve someone else that wouldn’t be fair to them.”

False beliefs are especially difficult to change. Many times a person will hold on to a false belief for many years to their determent. Only after their false belief is brought out into the open and exposed as a lie can a person begin to slowly release it and replace it with the truth.

“I’m not ready to get married.’ That was the excuse inside my head for most of my life. I always felt I was never mature enough to be a good husband and father. I wanted to have a good career and money before getting married.

Well, timing is everything. What happens when you have a good career and money, but can not find a good mate? And what about the years that have gone by that you could have spent enjoying with your mate? They are gone forever.

Truth is who is ever completely ready for marriage? Someone may really like you and she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, but you don’t have the money. She knows that, but trusts you, believes in you, and trusts everything will work out financially over time. In other words, she loves you. Single man, you better think seriously about marrying her.

For some people their career is a priority in their life and not marriage. Oprah is a perfect example. Would she have been as successful if she married?  Being successful on her level took a single-mindedness to devote to her career and not be distracted by a marriage relationship. She has empowered people with information and examples of ways to do things and to live better.  Empowering others has brought her power, wealth, and fame.

There are many pictures on the web of Oprah’s houses, the events she attends, and the school that she built.  Would you trade your life for Oprah’s?  Many would quickly say yes, but think of all the things she has given up to a degree: Marriage, privacy, freedom. Think of all the responsibilities she has.  Yes, she has an army to help her, but she has to watch out over the army! Oprah has so much, but is she really happy?        

Anyway, who wants to be like Oprah when you can be you? No one has the same experiences, talents, and skills exactly like you in the whole world. Be yourself.